Sunday, November 07, 2004
Life's Big Storybook
I've been into the depths of my thoughts again, thx to some piano songs from Spirited Away.. (It rox btw.. ^^) Hmm, classical songs makes me think a lot, especially due to the fact that it's calm, relaxing, peaceful.. Just like those midnight walks I sometimes have.. I juz love tt feeling, all alone, with no boundaries between you and the glimmering sky, with the cooling breeze and quiet roads.. I've thought about a lot of things in my life.. Happy thoughts, sad moments, angry times, depressing feelings, doubts, more.. All these are always imprisoned in me.. There are a lot of things people don't know about me, and I'm fine with tt.. There are sometimes too many painful memories to brush away or to share.. But I'll always rmb all those moments, cos it's wad made me into wad I am today, and will continue to shape me in the future.. Right now, I'm thinking about life..
Sometimes I wonder what it means to be alive.. Sure, I'm breathing, I lead a normal school life, but there's always this feeling tt something's amiss.. I just can feel it.. I sometimes wonder the complexities of religions to explain life.. There are many ways you can perceive life if you look at every religion.. Some say it's a preliminary stage to the next life.. Some say it's a test of your soul.. Some say it's a test of faith.. Some say.. .. .. There's just a lot of sayings, but still, it doesn't really solve anything for me.. All we can do is just stick to one belief and believe it!! I have nothing against religion, and I truly respect them.. But I'm just not into any religion.. All this while, I've been living thru the ups, downs, lefts, rights, diagonals, of my life on my own.. I didn't really asked for any help.. All I want to know, is tt I am in control of my own life, and not some other higher power tt's already set down a path for me, like a storybook.. I just don't get it.. If my mum said God created people the way he wanted to, then, I must still ask why I'm even thinking this out loud.. Why I'm different from others in terms of faith.. It's just me I guess, and I'll always believe in the only thing I can believe, myself.. Not trying sound like a proud man, but, the belief that I can do everything on my own without some inexplainable miracles or "coincidences" makes me feel better.. Just doing things with my own power.. Tt's what I've always believed in.. I've always wanted to make ppl happy, no matter how sad it would make me, no matter how much it would drain me in the end.. I just want to use my little light to shine it onto others, to bring that glimmer in life, all on my own.. Tt's been my greatest dream, since very young, cos of a depressing event in the past.. It's made me stronger, and I'll continue to grow from it..
I imagine tt everyone's life is like their own storybook.. It's something that will continue to write and remain written.. Nothing will be erased, like it or not, in that permanent ink of life.. There are no rules, no boundaries, and it's all up to you to complete that story with a happy ending, a mediocre life, a tragedy.. It's your story, you choose.. As for me, I've already penned down what I want in this life, and it includes all the precious friends I've met.. I'm grateful for everything, and this vibrant colour of feelings will decorate my story.. I hope to create a happy ending to everything, and everyone.. Maybe someday, I shall open the doors to my previous pages.. Maybe.. Someday..
Depressing, but lifting.. I do think a lot, and sometimes, it's a very heavy thing.. But it's my strong point I guess.. Sometimes it's just good to let it all out.. ^^ Gonna sleep and turn over a new page to write over.. Nitez everyone.. Hope we all get a happy ending..