La Musique

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Undetectable Fear

Monday, the day in which my batallion was given a day off due to polling day, was a freaky day for me. More so because what I'm about to say didn't happen once or twice before. (First of all, I want to say thank you to my Commanding Officer (CO) for being such a good-hearted man, and I'm not saying this because he gave us off. He is truly a leader with a good heart. 6DSMB, we can! =P) Anyway, back to the story.

Being one of those rare days whereby you can spend your weekday out of camp, it was a timely break. I was depressed, of being the new clerk, and of not being able to do as well as I'd like, and this was my day to just break free. I decided I should take a trip to the National Library, a place I'm growing accustomed to as calling it my third home, with second being in camp unfortunately. With overdue books in the bag, I was compelled to return it by that day, or face an ever-growing fine. It was a peaceful journey, going there all alone, with just a book, a bag and a Sony Mini-Disc Player for company.

After getting new books to read, and settling the fines from overdue books, I went on to Bugis Junction to window shop. You know how shopping malls nowadays have laser sensors on those automatic doors. (We live in an era of laziness and convenience eh?) Entering was no problem. But when I wanted to leave, the door did not open. You'd figure with laser sensors, as sensitive as they are, it'd be impossible not to detect a human. Wrong! For some reason, it didn't detect me. I was all alone there. Puzzled. It only opened when another couple came near it.

Now, what's freaking me out was the thought of me not being a real entity in this world. Was that a moment of carelessness from a system to make me believe I'm real? I am pretty sure that when I entered, I had people around me, so detection was not on my part. It made me think, "Was that for real? Am I real?" It's a stupid thought, I know, but I've always had this feeling that there are some things in this world that doesn't feel real, including me. But hey, who am I to say what's real or not? I'm just saying it's a feeling. The only reason why this concerns me was that this has happened to me on several other occasions before, and not all at the same venue. A glitch? An error? I do not know. Sometimes, I doubt my existence at all. Just what is real nowadays? I wonder if the old technique of pinching yourself to feel pain in justifying reality is truly reliable. Nobody knows. Nobody cares?

Now, away from all that philosophical mambo jumbo, here's a video that feels a little too unreal. Haha. It's good though. Enjoy. (Credits to wally.)

Back to reality. Tomorrow's my IPPT, and I'd better rest. Cya.

5:32 PM