La Musique

Monday, December 11, 2006

I Need Some Sleep

I Need Some Sleep by Eels

I need some sleep
It can't go on like this
I tried counting sheep
But there's one I always miss
Everyone says I'm getting down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

I need some sleep
Time to put the old horse down
I'm in too deep
And the wheels keep spinning 'round
Everyone says I'm getting' down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

Just like it says, I need some sleep. It's been quite an adventure for me, or more of a struggle, as I lived my days in nights. I've broken my records quite superbly, sleeping past three in the morning at first, then four, five, six and sometimes, it stretches to eight in the morning. There was one day I never slept until the day after. This lifestyle is consuming me quite badly. I'm dazed and weak in the day, and disgustingly alert at night. I guess I'm in a loss of control for myself, ever since the bars of freedom have been knocked down, giving me the free will to do just about anything I want, whenever I want. I'm not in resentment of it, strangely. It feels good to live through the nights of peace and solace. Where there's hardly a sound, and you're left in your own little world of thoughts. It feels as if you're the last person alive.

Loneliness does not bother me much. Do not mistake me for being unsociable. I enjoy the company of friends, as much as the small and big activities that follow. But I've been so used to it that it seems like a normal everyday life by now. It's been quite like that since I was young.

During the primary school days, after school, I always come straight home, greeted by the empty room and spaces. There was always no one in the day, as my parents go off to work, for money to support the family, and my sister, at her secondary school. I'd either occupy the day doing my homework, daydreaming or with the toys, plotting fights between heroes such as Captain Planet and the Mighty Morphing Power Ranger's Megazord. There was only a short time when there was actually someone there. We had a maid for a short time, but she went crazy soon after. And no, I'm not the cause of it.

Secondary school saw me move to my current house. Again, I spent much of my early years alone at home, occupying myself with homework, or other forms of entertainment. I guess those many years really made me who I am today. I actually spend more time with myself or friends than with my family. I still love my mum and dad, but there is only so much I can relate to with them. The ones who saw me grow were my friends, and I would like to thank them ever so much for being there.

Still, I'd like to dedicate this blog to my mum and dad, for always working so hard to support me, even if they were never really there most of the time. Through their absence, it allowed me to mature.

I understood, that money was never an easy thing to come by. I stopped asking them to buy anything for me, even through the countless times they asked and insisted.

I understood, that work is one tiring curriculum. I never imposed myself on them whenever they came home, putting up a smile to shield their fatigue.

I understood, that they only want what is best for their child. I worked hard on my studies, to give them grades to prove to them that it was worth it all the while.

I understood.

I keep my words of gratitude sealed within me. But I hope, it reaches you somehow. Thank you. I was never lonely after all.

9:35 PM