Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Between Paradox And Irony
Have you ever felt so sure about something, it makes you feel unsure in the end? Have you ever felt so strongly over someone that it makes you weak? Have you ever been so annoyed by a song that you like to hum it out lovingly and frequently?
All these paradoxical situations full of irony really know how to pummel a human, hard. It's what leads to us being indecisive, nervous and low on will. There can be countless of situations like these. And I'm quite an experienced person on that. My biggest weakness is the fact that I think too much. Even if I know I'm right, I'll contemplate, think about it again, and will eventually confuse myself in the end. Even if I know I should do it, I'll think twice, running through all the situations that may come out of my actions, and end up with too many thoughts to convert it to any action. It's like trying to squeeze all your food down a funnel forcefully. You know you'll never get most, if not any, to go through. I've always been indecisive, and it bugs me to know that I'm that way. Which leads to situations of 'What could have been' and 'What should have been'. I find my path of life to be pretty full of regrets and doubts.
But I do get that this is how life works its wonders. Still, I hate the fact that I can remember embarrassing moments of paradox and irony with equal intensity of emotions even after long periods of time. So if you see me with a weird face one day (looking like this ==> =S ), it's probably because I'm reliving the moments in my mind. (No pictures, please. It'll be hilarious.)
So what is my problem then?
If there's one thing I've ever wanted, it'll be to be sure of something completely. To be sure that I've made the right choice. To do things the way I wanted it to with clarity and without regrets. I want to be on the path of life with no directional signs or signboards. I want to live life as a whole. I want to be whole.
I will not regret. I will not think twice. I am sure this time. Questions will cease to exist any longer. The time has come.